I recently had an interesting conversation with a mother whose son was recently diagnosed with autism. In particular, we were discussing how the word autism seems to be such a scary term for so many people. They see autism as a negative. Something to be afraid of or sad about.
But here's the thing, autism is not a label to be feared or sorry for.
It really isn't.
Yet, people apologize when they learn my son is autistic, like it's a burden somehow to be raising him. And that's just a ridiculous notion to me.
Unfortunately, as he grows older, he's going to be facing these negative associations his entire life. So it's important to me now to help him be confident about who is he. So when - not if - he encounters these negative discussions about being autistic in the future, he will be adequately prepared to handle them. At least that is my goal.
So how am I preparing him? What am I doing today that teaches my son that being autistic is perfectly fine?
While there are probably a billion things I want my kids to know, one of the most important things, to me, is to make sure my kids understand and celebrate the qualities that make them, as well as others, unique.
The personal reflection below captures my thoughts on this topic, as well as some of my thoughts on others' reactions to learning my son is autistic.
The following was originally published on the CBC Parents website.
What I Want My Autistic Child to Know
For some reason when people mention that they have an autistic child, the responses often include comments like "I'm sorry."
That's not okay.
In fact, it angers me when people say things like this, especially if those kinds of comments are said in front of my son. Perhaps they just don't know what to say and it's the first thing that comes to mind. Or maybe they just aren't educated enough about what autism actually is. That still doesn't make "I'm sorry" an okay response though.
Autism seems like a scary word to so many people, but there is nothing to be sorry for when it comes to autism.
And there's especially nothing to be sorry for when it comes to my son being himself.
Yes, he is autistic and has some struggles with transitions and self-regulation, but he is also bright. And hilarious and silly. He also has this incredible ability to spot and highlight the smallest details in the world around him, details that most would miss. Details that I know I would miss.
It's a beautiful thing really, that ability to stop and enjoy what he finds fascinating.
It's just one of his many positive traits that I like to remind him of and thank him for.
He is a wonderful person just the way he is and I always want him to know that.
For instance, my autistic son was recently telling me some homemade jokes. In between his laughs, he casually asked, "Don't you think I'm weird?"
I stopped and got to my knees. With a smile on my face, I simply turned to him and responded with, "You should be. You are my child after all and I'm weird too."
After all, being different is good. I want him to know that.
I remind him of that often because I certainly hope that my son picks up on the fact that he should never ever be ashamed of being different or good at math or insanely talented at beating Geometry Dash levels on the first try.
I want him to know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being autistic.
Most importantly, I want him to know that there is nothing wrong with embracing his interests and passions, even if they seem unusual to others.
